MANDYLAND

I can NOT watch TV on TV anymore. I have been totally spoiled by TV series' on DVD with no commercials and no waiting until next week to find out what happens next.
I have two ongoing TV series that I would like to actually keep up with this year. Grey's Anatomy and Glee.
I LOVE GLEE!! I so wish that people randomly broke into song and choreographed dance in real life. How much more fun would life be?! HOWEVER, it seems like there's 5 minutes of the show and then a ten minute commercial break! And it's on at 1900, which is prime Andrew being loud time.. not easy to watch TV at all.
Grey's: I seem to go through phases where I can/want to watch it and phases when I kind of forget about it..
But when I watch it I want to watch episode after episode...but it's still on TV, so I have to wait. Or maybe I just dont watch it for a while so that I can watch a bunch of episodes at once online... whatever the reasoning.. It works out I suppose. I will definitely have to get both on DVD when they come out!

My car radio is busted. It's not totally broken, it just sounds like crap. If it goes louder than I can talk over it starts crackling. It drives me crazy. My commute is my me time. A time when I can play my country music freaking loud and sing to it like I want to; loudly and not necessarily well. And it is not nearly as fun to belt out words when I cant hear the music over my own voice.
However, this weekend I am going car shopping - or at least test driving. We might be buying a new car if we can get a good enough deal. So Josh wants me to hold off on getting a new stereo. Yar.

Countless people (okay so maybe only three) have told me that I should read the Twilight series... But I can't get into an addictive series right now. Anyone who saw me when reading the HP books for the first time knows that I cannot do anything else while reading books that I 'm really into. I read HP7 in 8 hrs. I read the first 4 in high school; would put them inside the cover of the book we were supposed to be reading during class... But I do think I will read them once Josh gets home and I can have quiet time again. Oh, how I miss quiet time.

I want to become a Stampin Up! Demonstrator. I think it would be the perfect job for me. I could stay at home with Andrew. Only work as much as I could.. Most of the events would be evenings and weekends, that's one downside, but all the prep work can be done at nap time! I want to sign up - even just for the discount at first, and as soon as I find out that I can (if we get posted out of the country I couldn't sign up with Dawn, I'd have to sign up once I'm there - yes they have SU! in Germany!)I will for sure! I LOVE my Big Shot!! as well as all their stuff really... they have awesome paper and stamps and ribbon and everything!

At work we have started prep for the Christmas party already!! From now til the new year I predict that it will be constantly busy at the office. Which is good, keeps my mind occupied, and not missing everyone who is not around.. pretty much everyone I care about at this point. At least Josh will be home soon. Unfortunately LOTS of other people are going now. But I have to go to bed.. lets not get into that right now.

Whew.

Josh has been away for about 5 weeks now. Andrew and I have our routine down pretty well day to day. Which is good, but it feels wrong. I'm getting stuff done that didnt get done while Josh was here, like fixing Andrew's curtains. Part of that is that Josh didn't want to 'waste' his time before he left doing stuff like that, and I think another part is his 'oh I have lots of time... oh shit, I have to leave now' way of doing things (or not doing things as the case may be).
I am getting used to sleeping alone, which is not cool. I sleep in the middle of the bed now. That's going to make the double beds in our B&B's in Europe very interesting...
40 days until we meet at Heathrow Airport! That is awesome. I love how the time is going so fast, and I know it's going fast because I'm keeping myself busy, and not just sitting at home waiting to hear from him or something... I'm exercising, I'm trying to eat better, I'm trying to keep the house decently tidy (which I haven't even come close to yet).
I seem to be taking much better care of myself than when Josh is around. What's up with that? I understand that we go out for dinner more and we want to spend time with eachother when he's here, but we don't do anything exercise-like together, we have never really tried to eat better... It's just wierd.. I dont know...I feel like I'm better to myself when he's gone. Now maybe I would have started all of this even if he was here, but as it came closer to him leaving I started to come up with these plans to do specifically while he's gone. Like lose weight so that he will be surprised when I see him in Europe, and keep the house cleen to prove to him that it stays clean when he's not here, therefore he's the messy one!!

Josh has been gone for less than three weeks. The weekdays are zooming by.. The weekends, when I have things going on, are also speedy. It's those days of nothing but dealing with a two year old boy and a one year old dog that really just drag the fuck on. But I have been able to talk with Josh using several forms of communication.. mostly email, including him emailing to my cell phone.
Also I relax and de-stress each night by writing him letters, yes old school, pen-to-paper letters, every night! It's a substitute for having him there to tell about something that's bugging me or telling him what happened at work or with Andrew that day. Just whatever's on my mind. I usually cant fall asleep now without at least writing a quick "I hope you are okay, I love you" type note.

I had a plan. I was going to have the house SPOTLESS when Josh was gone. I would clean every night for the first week or two until it was neat and tidy. Then I was going to keep it up, with a little tidying everynight before I went to bed....
Apparently I am full of shit. Josh gets back in three days.. it's pretty much the same as it was... a few things are cleaner.. the bathrooms, for example. But GRR it just irritates me when I cant get stuff done, especially when it seems doable.
The problem is that I can talk to Josh via MSN Video Calling all night, until he goes to bed (two hour time difference). So I would get home, get Andrew a snack or some juice and get dinner started, then go online and he's usually waiting for me.

So I have a new, easier mission, one that I'm about 1/4 done already... I'm going to sweep and mop the floor today. Andrew is home with pink eye, and napping, so that is what I am going to do right now.

Not that I don't believe him, but how likely is it that the three other people he was with today dont have cell phones... on the day his dies after telling me that he will be texting me throughout the day...GR
Okay so I guess that's understandable.. but its not the first time he just ignored me when he's gone. I think I need to be less courteous when I'm out and about and just 'forget' to charge my phone or 'forget' that I have someone at home that would worry if they dont hear from me all day when i said I would be available...
And its not like I dont tell him. everytime he goes somewhere I tell him text me when you get there, text me when you know what you're doing just tell me what's happening and then I'll know that you're at a movie and silenced your phone instead of thinking you're laying in a ditch after a car crash!
Okay so I get a little carried away, but I'm just worrying about him... Guys just dont think about that sort of thing...
I know a certain husband-to-be who is also bad for calling to let ppl know what's up.. I think guys just dont think like us.. I dont believe that they just dont care, if I did he would be in a world of hurt.
I just dont know what else to do. I wish I could just stop worrying. I tried that today... everytime I thought about him I told myself, his phone is just dead, he's fine... but that didnt stop me from breathing a huge sigh of relief when he signed on MSN. and then bitching at him for not charging his phone!
I know I shouldn't be mad, but its either I get grumpy upset, or crying upset, and I'm almost positive we'd both prefer grumpy.
Anyway I feel better now, I'm going to get ready for bed.

So it's been goddamned ages since I've journalled, but I want to get back into it. I tried using a hardcopy journal, but that only works when I'm really pissed off about something and can't really do anything about it. Major stress relief, so, of course I wrote everyday for about two weeks when Josh's parents were here. Anyway I want to write about Vegas.

Josh and Tyler and I drove the 2300 km to Las Vegas. We started out after work, the day before my birthday, left the house around 4:45pm. I remember this because on our way to McDonalds (talk about starting off a roadtrip right!) we saw the 102.9 Sonic FM's 'what's in the van, Man' Van! and we were thinking about staying to register, but we realised that they don't even start registering until 5pm and don't start the contest until 6 (i think). It's too bad, because that would have been a great start to a Vegas trip, winning some money!

Anyway I drove the first huge block of time, because I didn't want to have to drive totally in the dark. It was great, the guys couldn't sleep yet, so we listened to music and talked. We were very excited. And we had Lola (our GPS) so we weren't worried at all about getting lost. Then at about 11pm or so it was Tyler's turn to drive. He said that I took about 1 minute to fall asleep, and after driving 6 hours straight it's no wonder. I'm pretty sure I slept right through Montana... then when it was Josh's turn to drive I still stayed in the front 'because I can sleep anywhere' so I don't get to be comfy... Anyway.. not that I'm bitter or anything.

Wow okay so this has been in draft form for a long time.. so I'm just going to post it and start a new one.

Ha this is stupid, but kinda funny...
I posted it on here instead of Facebook. that way hardly anyone will have to see it!


.:TAURUS The Tramp (HA that's me for sure!!)

Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships.=] Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ........ Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to #### with. Are the most sexiest people on earth!

.:VIRGO:. The Virgin

Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness.

.:SCORPIO:. The sex addict

Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring.

.:LIBRA:. The lame lover

Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing n Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? not the kind of person you wanna #### with... u might end up crying... the most irresistible.

.:ARIES:. The Liar

Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to #### with. Erotic. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships.=) Addictive. Loud. best in bed.


.:AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water

Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. Amazing in bed, THE BEST LOVERS BETTER THAN EVERYONE!

.:GEMINI:. Does Twosomes

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the #### out. Very unpredictable. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. Silly. Easy to talk to. One of a kind love and friendship. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

.:LEO:. The Lion in bed

Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. If dating one dont let them go..

.:CANCER:. The Cutie

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high ### appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great tellin stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.


.:PISCES:. The Piece of ass

Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high sex appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.


.:CAPRICORN The passionate Lover

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible, awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart.



.:SAGITTARIUS:. The Sexy one

Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna mess with you might end up crying.

Okay so I'm on my first period in 14 months and its totally kicking my ass. I'm all bitchy and moody. I can't sleep right now because Ross and Janet were showering and then talking over the hairdryer, which I'm sure they do every night and I only noticed tonight. But not only did I notice, but it drove me crazy, I was so close to yelling at them, I was even trying to calm down using the breathing techniques that got me through childbirth, but I was just in the funkiest of all funks! And the worst part is I KNOW ITS ME BEING BITCHY.. its like being pregnant again, and if I wasn't menstrating I would totally be buying a pregnancy test tomorrow!

So as I was lying in bed trying to not freak out, I was trying to think of something else, which got me to thinking about what Josh and I were talking about earlier. How every time I have any money in my account I take it out and give it to him. Normally I don't care about this, I know that he puts it toward either our mortgage or car payents or savings or something, but THIS TIME I get all upset because I literally have only 18 dollars to my name, which is usual, until I get another payment from either EI or the Child Tax Benefit or whatever its called and have it in my account for a good day or two before I either pay bills with it or give it to Josh so he can. Anyway, he wants to get a joint account, which is a good idea..ish. It is a good idea except that I will feel even more guilty about buying anything knowing that it's his money that I'm using. I know that my money will be in there too, but he makes a hell of a lot more than me, especially when I'm not working. I feel guilty even spending my money on scrapbooking supplies even though that's all I ever buy for myself pretty much. I feel guilty I guess because I think I should be spending it on Andrew or groceries or something like that because I don't work. I think that's all it is, I feel guilty because I'm not making money. And it bugs me, not having money, or having money but not enough to not feel guilty about buying something I want.

But as guilty as I feel sometimes, I still don't want to go back to work full time. I do not want Andrew in daycare, unless I'm with him. I think come July when my EI runs out, I will start back into the daycare world. I heard daycare staff are getting pay increases, so that's a bonus, plus the base daycare HAS to be better than the one I worked in before.
Well I think I should be able to sleep now that I spewed all that out.
And Janet I am not upset with you or blaming you two for being loud or anything, it's totally just me in bitch mode, okay so dont worry!! You're the only person I know who reads my journal so I can just address you as if it were an email! lol

okay I'm off to bed

My life has changed so much. Andrew honestly is my life right now. I always have to make sure that he's clean and fed and well rested before I even think about myself.
We've been on a lot of planes lately and I really don't understand why they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others. I don't think there is a good mother out there who would remember to follow those instructions if the time came to use them.

Well it has been quite a while since I've posted.. I can't say I've been busy.. I guess I just haven't had much to post about.
I'm awake right now (at 12:15 am) waiting for a call from Josh to come and pick him up. He was away for about 10 days or so for work, but now he's coming home and I'm very excited! I'm absolutely HORRIBLE at being alone, I just was not meant to be alone. But, as of tonight, I don't think I'll ever be alone again, for at least a few years anyway.
It's great. Josh comes home tonight (or early tomorrow by the looks of it!) then Janet's flight gets in the night after that. And Friday is when Ross gets home (as far as we know... you really can't be too sure with the army.. but its looking pretty good!)
So It'll go from being me, home alone to a full house in three days! Its great!
I really miss everyone, and my hormones are pretty crazy right now. I'm definitely nesting! I've cleaned this house top to bottom and there still seems like there's so much to do! Anyway I'm very excited about having everyone home now! I won't be bored and lonely!! YAY!

July 18th 2006 #1
Originally uploaded by mrsmandymango.

Isn't he just the cutest thing. I can't believe how much I love him already!!

HEHEHEHE!!!! I am giddy with the knowledge that I will not have to work for at least 6 months!!
NO MORE getting up at 430AM on weekdays!
NO MORE getting up at 330AM on weekends!
NO MORE 'welcome to tim hortons, may I take your order please?'
or 'can I help who's next?' every five minutes all day long
NO MORE smelling like coffee!
NO MORE order taking, or drive-thru beverage or front till!!!
HEHEHE HAHAHA WEEEEEEEE!!!!

NO MORE WORK!!!!! NO MORE WORK!!!!!


Okay I'm better now, ahh that felt good. Unbelieveably good.

So I get to clean the house on my day off so that you can have people from work over to watch the hockey game. New people from work that I dont know. Oh I forgot, one of them is friends with someone I know... yeah my ex.. who's last email was for no other purpose but to call me a cheating whore. Sweet. I think I'll go see a movie. By myself. After I clean the dining room, kitchen and basement, of course. FUCK!!!
Last time I checked cleaning isn't fun. And hanging out with army people that I know is bad enough. But to spring a whole new bunch on me and tell me the night before after you've invited them already.... GRRRRR....

I woke up today at 430 and have barely stopped crying all day. I am having the most emotional day of my life, and I have no idea why. Just one of those pregnancy things I guess. I couldn't go to work today, I could barely stop crying to call and say I can't come to work. I am a little worried.. what is wrong with me? But I've been feeling the baby move alot, so that is a comfort, it helps a little. So I dont think there's anything wrong with him.
I couldn't shut my brain off last night, didnt get to sleep for a long time... I dont even remember what I was thinking about, I know I was trying to think of all the fun we're going to have on the weekend, and wondering if I'm going to be able to not drive Josh crazy on the roadtrip. I am worried that it will take a lot longer to get there because I will need to stop a lot more often than normal. I hope that I will be able to sleep well enough to be able to do my fair share of the driving. I'll be getting home at 1 on thursday and going straight to bed until Josh gets home from work.
I think Josh is worried that we might be having twins, because I am so big. I am not worried, if we have twins, then we have twins, what I am worried about is if its a girl. we have so many boy clothes, and we dont have any girl names!!!
Oh well. Really I will be so happy when he (or she) comes out. I cant wait to see him, hold him. I cant wait to see everyone I already love hold the new most important thing in my life. I just hope everything works out, and that he's healthy and that everyone who wants to be here when he gets here will be able to. I still dont know if my parents plan on coming out for the birth, Josh's parents are trying to rent a furnished aparentment and staying for a few months.
My eyes are tired. I think I am going to see if there's something I want to eat and then go back to bed, which is where I have been all day. I sure hope my mood improves when Josh gets home.

I was looking through my older entries and realised that my baby ticker is set for my old due date. So I must get a new one on here!
I am very bored today. Its raining, I think that is part of the reason I'm in such a yucky mood. I just don't feel like doing anything. So I think today will be a good day to start up the OC again! I havent watched it for months! I was thinking about waiting for maternity leave before starting the second season, but what's the point, I'm sure I'll have lots to do while I'm waiting for baby.


( Baby Ticker )

Okay, I'm going to try out that link thing...



( Testing link thingy )

We are in week 25 of pregnancy and baby hardly ever stops moving. It is said that he is over a pound and a half at this age, and about 9 or 10 inches from head to rump. I seem to get fatter everyday, as baby grows. He is mostly adding fat now, and his little organs are gearing up for the world outside of the amniotic fluid.
My feet and back are aching on a more peranent basis now, and it takes great effort to get up from sitting or laying.
My favourite thing is that the baby recognises Josh's (Daddy's) voice. Whenever Josh talks to him he starts moving like crazy, as if he knows that Daddy wants to feel him. Just today, when Josh got home from work, he had his head on my stomach and was talking to baby, and it seemed as though he kicked him in the head. Just one swift movement, as if to say, 'Daddy, I'm sleeping, dont wake me up!'

We only have 109 days until our due date. That doesnt seem like very long at all, and in that time baby has to get more than three times his size!! but I have confidence that he will, it feels like he's growing significantly as I'm sitting here writing this.

I miss everyone. I saw Josh but three hours ago and I miss him. I am in a very strange sad little mood at the moment. I have a lot of stuff I could be doing today. I could clean up the living room and kitchen. There is also oodles of laundry to be done, as usual, although there is a load in each the washer and dryer at the moment, so one could say I am currently doing laundry. I really don't know what is wrong today, I guess I am just sad... All I want to do is make time go faster.
I want three weeks to go by in a blur of waking up, serving coffee and going to bed. After those three weeks have blurred by however, I want time to slow right down and make one particular weekend last a week or two. There are many reasons for this. One is that I will be visiting my best friends in the whole wide world that weekend, another is that I will be getting there via raodtrip with my favourite person ever. And lastly I will not be required to wake up at 330 in the morning that weekend and make other people coffee as has become the norm for me on Saturday and Sunday..the normal weekend. We will be going to the beach, and there is no better way to show off a pregnant belly than in a bathing suit! I am also looking forward to going back to Vancouver. It is a very pretty city. I hope the next few months go by quickly as well. Although there is little chance of that, as I believe that when I am looking forward to a certain day or time, all the time in between seems to swell, causing the effect of time slowing down. I still hope, however.
I a looking forward to having my baby. I do love being pregnant, but I know that I will love being a Mommy much more than a Mommy-to-be. I really hate when I get into moods like this because I feel as though I have no reason. What is so horrible in my life that gives me the right to feel this miserable? There is nothing. Nothing wrong, my life is exactly how I want it. I am going to be a mother, I will be getting married in the near future and I will be living in a home with my three favourite people in the world, and my child will make the fourth. The Davies-Green/Wong/Saunders/Forrester household... that is quite a mouthful, but I wouldn't want it any other way.. until we take out Forrester when Josh and I get married.
My only excuse for my mood is prenatal hormones. It is true that they have been causing me to be a lot more emotional, crying for no apparent reason for instance.

Janet
I saw that you said that you miss the house, so I thought I'd take some pictures of it for you. I dont know if this will make you feel better, or make you miss it more, but I thought I'd give it a shot. love you boyfriend

WE ARE HAVING A BOY!!! I am carrying, in my womb, a 10 oz little boy! I'm so excited, I cant believe the 3D ultrasound pictures, they're amazing! it looks like he already has hair! I dont think that's what is really is considering he doesnt even have body fat. You'd think that body fat would come before hair.. infact, I'm going to look it up! isnt he so cute!!